From NIMBY to YIMBY to CCP

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THE CLOWNNIFESTO
One plan. One party. One parking spot — maybe.

An Official Policy Framework of the Clownnecticut Communist Party (CCP)

Preamble
In recognition of the urgent need to abolish logic, property, and community preference in favor of top-down uniformity, the Clownnecticut Communist Party (CCP) hereby codifies its foundational beliefs. We believe in equity by edict, inclusion by compulsion, and transit-oriented enlightenment for all.
Forward! Together! To the shared-unit future!

Article I: Zoning is Bourgeois
Henceforth, the CCP declares all local zoning ordinances to be remnants of colonialism, redlining, and municipal uppitiness. Town character is a dog whistle. Neighborhoods are a social construct.
All lots are equal, but some are denser than others.
Mandates include:

  • All single-family zones shall be retroactively upzoned and emotionally shamed.
  • Backyard sheds may be reassessed as duplexes.
  • Historic districts may exist only in the memory of Sara Bronin.

Article II: Property is a Shared Burden
The concept of private property is a barrier to unity and shared suffering. The CCP promotes community through structured discomfort.
Policies:
  • Owners may still hold deeds but not expectations.
  • Driveways shall be taxed as climate violations.
  • Garages must be repurposed as meditation pods or mail-in ballot drop zones.

Article III: Transit as Salvation
Walkable communities are more virtuous than drivable ones, regardless of feasibility. If you live more than 500 feet from a bus stop, one will be constructed on your porch.
You’ll live upstairs from a vape shop and take the trolley to therapy.

Article IV: Equity Enforcement
All citizens shall be equal in voice, though party-approved identities may be more equal than others.
Guidelines:
  • Misgendering a zoning board member is a hate crime.
  • Asking for traffic data is an act of aggression.
  • Failure to display a progress flag results in grant forfeiture.

Article V: Local Control is Misinformation
Self-governance breeds inequality. The CCP shall override local elections, town charters, and public hearings unless the outcomes align with the correct social outcome.
Community feedback is welcome until it disagrees.

Conclusion
Let it be known that Clownnecticut stands proudly at the vanguard of planned absurdity. We reject outdated notions of liberty, autonomy, and sanity in favor of centrally managed dignity quotas.

Forward, comrades. Your compliance is your freedom.